by Mark de Rond
when I told my mum and dad that one of the boys at school liked boys more than girls
my father scoffed and let one wrist go limp
from the armrest on the chair from where he watched the footie
while from the kitchen my mother said it was a sickness
going up to my room I knew I shouldn’t have said anything
so they wouldn’t know that I made up the story of the boy at my school
on my thirteenth birthday they gave me a smartphone,
and I used it to open a Facebook account
and one on Instagram and on TikTok
to find people to help me understand me
online I made friends who didn’t mind that I was younger
and who understood my sickness because they had it too
and that’s how I learned about my body and theirs
and the different ways men feel good with other men
when one of them suggested we meet I said sure
and we met
and he said Let’s get on with it
and maybe because he was more experienced it felt quite nice
though not as special for him as it was for me
because I never heard from him again
after him I met with another man I’d been talking to online
who sent me photos of dogs that he promised to bring to the park and then didn’t
but did say he would tell them about me after we were done
and I met a third man who brought me a Happy Meal
and a fourth who wore my dad’s aftershave
and a fifth who wouldn’t stop crying after
since then I have met many men
and they’re mostly careful
except the one who slapped me around
and so I told my parents that I got into a fight at school
and my dad said how proud he was and told everyone that I was becoming a man
he took me on his shoulders and paraded me around the neighbourhood
and let me taste his beer and so that was nice
then when I was thirty I started therapy
to help me deal with the trauma
of my homophobic parents